As I look around my house I am frequently overwhelmed. Thick dust covers everything, no matter how often we dust. There is not one room that is clean and organized. Everything seems to be in various states of remodeling/repair/organization. There is MUCH to do, and find that if I look at all that is before me I am paralized. I don't know quite where to begin and the task seems insurmountable. I have to pick one job, or one room, and work on that. Attempting to make a little headway each day.
I have been tempted to throw a little pity party for myself. But the Lord has been convicting me of that attitude. He has been graciously reminding me that 'I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." When I am weak, He is strong. When I recognize that I am faced with an impossible task, I also recognize how utterly dependent I am upon Him. That is right where Christ wants me to be.
My patience, never my strong suit, seems daily to be pushed to the limit. Daddy is gone, my children are needy and a little more disobedient than usual, and there is a lot to do. Did I mention that? I have been told many times never to pray for patience, because you will daily be called upon to use it. But if my desire is to grow in Christ, to be sanctified and conformed to His image, then I ought to welcome and rejoice in the opportunites for growth that He brings my way. So often I falter, I react instead of saying a silent prayer and maintaining a joyful attitude.
Yesterday I was painting (walls, not pictures) and Eli was coloring. He had a new picture for me to admire every 3.2 seconds or so. "Mommy, look at my picture! I made it for you, where do you want me to put it??" Sierra was reading a book she found very entertaining, and so she wanted to share each amusing part with me. There were a LOT of amusing parts. One child, taking advantage of the fact that mom was otherwise occupied, decided to direct the play of all the others, and it was going to be their way or the highway. Snotty attitude and whispered threats. You get the idea. These sort of things, combined with the general chaos of the house, the timeline, being nearly 31 weeks pregnant, and the standard needs of 5 young children made for a day of real sanctification for me :)
I wish I had it mastered by now. I wish I remembered at all times how blessed I am to have these children. I wish I always remembered to be grateful that they want to share their stories, make pictures for me, be where ever I am. I wish I always remembered that discipline is for their good, not my convenience, and that I have been given a great responsiblity and honor to raise these children for my Heavenly Father. Too often I forget.
I am so grateful for His patience with me. So grateful that He continues to show me, to remind me, to forgive me.